If I don’t just start writing again, I never will. I had my big review of 2014 and then I don’t know what happened. Life got in the way, the practice was disrupted or perhaps I didn’t have anything to say.

I have to remember what makes me. Writing helps make me so I want to keep doing it. I can’t catch up, I can’t go back and remember or fill in the gaps. I just have to start where I am and keep moving forward.

This moving stuff is tricky. To fit into someone else’s organized life and scheme seemed perhaps easy on the surface but it’s hard. I wish I had brought more things with me when I arrived to make it feel more like my home. I wish I had looked for a job or volunteer opportunity in the community right away rather than wait. There is no point in looking back and trying to figure out what would have made this move easier or the transistion smoother. I don’t think it is meant to be easy or smooth. It’s been a challenge and I’ve been a little lost, floating through the days not sure what makes me or who I am here. Not sure how to be an artist here, how to be comfortable here.

This is what I know.

Edinburgh is a beautiful city with much to explore. Keeping exploring it. With Stewart, alone and with friends. Keep trying new things, going to new places, ordering new foods and drinks. This reminds me of who I am and inspires me.

I have a wonderful studio around the corner. Embrace it. Stop worrying about the money. Make the space your own, use it, hide out in there, sing songs, listen to music, dance, drink tea and just PAINT. Have people over there, talk about your work. Make eye contact with those in the building. You deserve to be there.

Write your thoughts. Explore your fears, celebrate your triumphs, tell the world your visions. It’s too much trouble keeping it all inside. I know when I don’t express things it manifests as pain and tension in my body. Don’t censor yourself.

Explore opportunites. Revamp your Etsy shop. Paint a small body of work and submit it to a gallery. Show some art in a coffee shop. Volunteer in a gallery or somewhere else. Join a group, a club, make something happen that is bigger than yourself. This is when I am truly happy.

Walk in nature. Get away from the traffic and loud sounds of the city and explore the gardens, the sea, the cycle paths. Listen to the wind, bird songs and smell the flowers. If it is sunny, I need to be out in it.

Ask for help. Tell your friends and family when it is hard. Cut yourself a break more often. You left everything you knew behind in September and moved with just two bags to a foreign country at the age of 42 to start again. Celebrate your courage, the beauty and love that surrounds you but acknowledge the difficulties.

I feel better already…